tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22805647531988250972024-03-13T08:01:30.589-07:00More Like Falling in LoveTherefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
Hebrews 12:1-2Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-29635933837406060782013-02-24T09:01:00.000-08:002013-02-24T09:01:09.093-08:00Hmmm?I feel like I've been a huge failure! I've been taking pictures off and on but haven't been posting any of them. What a slacker right? Well here are some from the past few weeks and a few from over the years that I just stumbled across! Hopefully this week will be better but no promises!<br />
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<br />Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-2351705082874756962013-02-06T16:56:00.001-08:002013-02-06T16:56:25.117-08:00100%My schedule has been chaos this week and the chaos doesn't end until Monday when I take my Pathophysiology exam (double yuck!). Needless to say, photography got put on the back burner and I have no pictures to show for this past week and probably this week either. I'll definitely get on it for next week though!<div>
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However I did meet with coaches and academic support staff and really have a new outlook on college athletics that I can't wait to get into detail about in a post to come. It involves giving 100%. Sound simple right? Well it is but simple isn't always easy and I'm excited to share some new found wisdom on the topic.</div>
Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-65819637046301869102013-01-23T23:33:00.001-08:002013-01-23T23:33:55.609-08:00Photography Challenge: Week 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This week's photos were definitely a new experience! I don't take pictures of people often for many different reasons. People tend to have high expectations, little patience, and forgiveness isn't the first thing on their mind when things don't go as expected. So, I prefer taking pictures of nature because I can rest assured that I will never hear a sunset say that I didn't catch it's "good side" or have a mountain tell me that the white balance was a little off. Better yet, if I mess up I know I can always go back and try again another day. People tend to be less forgiving and with something like a wedding or a newborn shoot you only get one chance to get it right. But last week, when a friend of mine (Stacy) had her fourth baby, I offered to take some pictures of her precious baby boy.</div>
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I couldn't promise her that they'd turn out or that I'd even have one that was "frameable" but I could promise that I'd try. We had such a good time goofing around with props and this little guy that I completely forgot how nervous I was about messing up. We were even able to laugh about how I almost backed out at the last minute because I felt so much pressure. But I'm so glad I didn't! Stacy was incredibly patient and I loved that she was pretty much up for anything. Newborn photo shoots can be very unpredictable and involve a lot of crying, bodily fluids, and overprotective parents which are probably the worst of the three. Little Cyrus wasn't thrilled about all the new poses but after thirty minutes (and a meal) he calmed down and I got some decent pictures. His 2yo sister helped me test the lighting and different "studio" spots, so I got some cute ones of her too.</div>
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It wasn't perfect but I had a great time, learned so much, and was blessed with some good photos! And Stacy made a great point that will definitely stick with me as I continue growing in my photography. She said something along the lines of: </div>
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<b>Your</b> goal is to get that "perfect photo" that can be put in a portfolio and be representative of your skills as a photographer but all <b>I </b>want is for you to capture some pictures of my family. So whether or not you think the photos are artistically sound and worthy of a frame, I'll love them. It doesn't matter if the pictures are "quality" or not because my kids are in them and because of that I can guarantee you that I'll think they're great!</div>
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*And with this post I'm officially caught up on my Photography Challenge</div>
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<b>Happy Brithday Cryus Allen Frud</b>e</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I loved his little ears, feet, and hands! I guess I just forgot how tiny newborns are!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Proof that being born in Wyoming means you're automatically a Cowboys fan</td></tr>
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Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-19307895494666051292013-01-20T15:42:00.003-08:002013-01-20T15:42:57.532-08:00Photography Challenge: Week 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-74270510771500487692013-01-16T22:15:00.000-08:002013-01-17T09:45:59.756-08:00Photography Challenge: Week 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I said my next post would be about the actual photography challenge so here it is... My goal is to take and post some pictures every week. That's it, plain as that!</div>
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It sounds pretty simple but with my weird schedule and Wyoming winters, it's already proved difficult. I look forward to the challenge both artistically and spiritually and I pray that God shows me exactly what I'm supposed to be learning from all of this. With that said, I'm going to start this first post off with a prayer and follow it with last week's pictures.</div>
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Heavenly Father,</div>
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I thank you that all things are made new in you... Time and time again I fall at your feet, wondering if you'll take me back and, Father, every time I am surprised that you do. I know that there is nothing I can do to deserve the love that you have for me and yet I work as if my salvation were dependent on my accomplishments. Lord, you know the lies that distance me from you and I ask that you guide me towards your truth instead, reminding me that my performance has never been a condition of your love nor will it ever be.</div>
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I pray that as I take these pictures week by week I will grow not only in my abilities but in my relationship with you. Father, teach me more than photography in these next few weeks. Teach me to trust your timing and direct me so that my eyes never look anywhere but up. Lord, use my photos and this project to further your kingdom while protecting me from pride and even the feelings of inadequacy, as neither are glorifying to you. I pray for perseverance as I begin this project and, lastly, I thank you for the clear direction you have given me with it.</div>
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AMEN</div>
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<b>WEEK ONE:</b> Last week, I finally got the opportunity to meet my 3 month old nephew for the first time. These are some of the pictures I snapped of him and my brother's growing family while staying out in North Carolina! Enjoy.</div>
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<br />Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-14743045636128740582013-01-16T13:17:00.003-08:002013-01-16T18:03:50.735-08:00All Things NewMan, life is good!!! I couldn't be more pleased with the direction my life is taking. I'm learning, serving, and loving in a whole new way and though I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard, it is the most rewarding thing I've ever experienced! I know blogging has been pushed to the back burner these past few months but hopefully I can get that pot boiling again in the coming weeks with some new ideas and challenges that I'm taking on. So here's to all things new!<br />
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I'm not much into New Year's Resolutions because I think growth and its direction shouldn't be determined at the beginning of a year and then<i> occasionally</i> reexamined throughout it. I believe it should be <b>constantly</b> reexamined through God's lenses and as God's will becomes more clear to us, our direction will be obvious and our growth will be positive. In any other order we are not guaranteed upward growth nor are we guaranteed that our directions or choices are in His will.<br />
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<i>With all that said,</i> everyone likes new things (just think: newborn babies, puppies, or even clothes, electronics, and jobs) and everyone likes the idea of a fresh start, right?... I am definitely included in that "everyone"but what I hope to gain from the starting over/ 2nd chance/ new beginning/ resolution inducing feelings of New Years, is the reminder that being a Christian means I get to have all of this "newness" as often as I need! I can wake up everyday knowing <b>I am enough</b> even though I will always fall short. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. <b>They are new every morning; </b>great is your faithfulness." We can rest assured that He makes us complete, worthy, AND NEW.<br />
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Success and failure, based on a purely secular view, will never satisfy us or Him. Therefore, the only way resolutions can truly be successful, satisfying, and pleasing in the Lord's eyes are if they are rooted in His will for our lives. Meaning, each goal or resolution (whatever you want to call your new "to-dos" or "not to-dos") should be prayerfully considered, relying on God to expose areas of your life that need change. His change.<br />
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I don't have New Year's Resolutions, in the normal sort of way, but I do have a few things God has laid on my heart to work through in this season of my life. These are matters that deserve more attention than I've been giving them and I'm prayerfully going to be focusing on these areas as I let God direct the changes that are to come. So...I'm going to share one of my "resolutions", why this area of my life needs attention, and a plan of action that I hope will not only lead to behavior modification but to great spiritual growth as well.<br />
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Fear of Failure and Judgement:<br />
Because I don't want people to view me as inadequate or as a failure, I simply give up (or don't even start) things that I perceive may result in failure. I live in my comfort zone without risking my reputation knowing that new situations could expose inadequacies that others may deem unacceptable. But I AM CALLED TO LIVE FOR GOD! I was not created to serve, worship, or be appraised by anyone other than my creator. <b>I</b> am not even qualified to serve, worship, or appraise <b>myself, </b>so why would other people be qualified to do so? Here are a few verses that speak of who we are supposed to be serving and why:<br />
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<b>Galatians 1:10</b> For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.<br />
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<li>We either serve Christ OR man, not both.</li>
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<b>1 Thessalonians 2:4</b> But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. </div>
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<li>Who tests our hearts? Answer: God, not man.</li>
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<b>Proverbs 29:25</b> The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.</div>
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<li>No comfort or satisfaction will come from living for men.</li>
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<b>Galatians 2:20</b> I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.</div>
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<li>Not only do we NOT serve other people but we no longer serve ourselves either.</li>
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So thinking along these lines: I've realized that stepping out into challenging territory and possibly exposing my short comings, could very well be God's way of directing my focus to Him! It is fact that I am horribly inadequate (Romans 3:23) but only if I'm relying on my own wisdom and strength to find satisfaction and success. However, God's nature is revealed in that we, as flawed as we are, become fully acceptable in Christ's eyes because he bridges the gap between failure and true success (no matter how big that gap is). So when I see my failures as a way to show off his greatness, power, and redeeming qualities, my "failures" no longer appear to be crippling.</div>
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NOW I'M GOING TO START SOMETHING and there is a definitely a possibility of failure but I know he will use my perceived success or failure for His good! I'm starting a photography challenge to be more specific (I'll explain the actual challenge in my next post)!... I'm terrified that I won't see it through. I'm terrified that I may be bad at something so simple as taking pictures. I'm terrified that people will judge my photos. I'm terrified that photography will become a chore. And <b>I'm terrified that I may fail... </b>But I'm even more terrified that I'll spend the rest of my life struggling to trust my God because I'm scared of failure and inadequacy. My hope is that the photography will become a tangible example of how he grows and changes us into better and more beautiful people.</div>
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This challenge may sound like a simplified, childish solution to a complicated set of problems but I feel confident that the benefits will be nothing short of miraculous. And when I prayed for direction in regards to new years resolutions I had no idea that God would put ALL OF THIS on my heart! But I was especially shocked by the idea of a photography challenge. I even prayed for God to lay a more "significant" resolution on my heart because I couldn't see how taking weekly pictures could be his way of molding me. This challenge will push me to trust in His plans and promises as my pictures will be open for compliments as well as criticism. It will take every ounce of me to find my value in Christ and not the good or bad reviews that my photos receive. But I've come to the conclusion that our comfort zone is not where he ever intended us to live.</div>
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Since, photography has always been a unique way for me to experience the beauty of God's creation, I'm excited (and a bit nervous) to explore what it means to be "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14) and consider myself a part of His beautiful creation.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Vedauwoo, WY Fall 2012</td></tr>
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Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-68888563479188981632012-11-27T20:00:00.003-08:002012-11-27T20:00:53.540-08:00LONG Time No See (Write)I guess I have to start somewhere when it comes to getting back into blogging. So how about a "list style" update (I do far too many of these but it works I guess) to kickstart my next season of writing.<div>
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1) Because everyone thinks my life revolves around soccer, I'll start there :) The season finished a bit earlier than anticipated this year as we didn't make it into the conference tournament; The one that we nearly won last year. It seemed to be a big transition year with a new coach which presented some struggles so hopefully next year we can start building up again. But I got my fair share of playing time and am looking forward to making an even bigger impact next year.</div>
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3) I made some <b>INCREDIBLE </b>strides spiritually and, without going into much detail in this post, it ended with me getting baptized. My <a href="http://more-like-falling-in-love.blogspot.com/2011/01/beyond-awesome.html">"Beyond Awesome"</a> journey continues and I was just asked to share my testimony at the monthly FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) dinner and social next Monday. I'm nervous but so excited to share with my fellow athletes and hopefully some teammates what God has been doing in my life!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was in the Laramie River and it was BEAUTIFUL</td></tr>
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2) As always I tend to be recovering from some kind of injury every time I write (staying healthy is definitely going to be a New Years resolution). I managed to keep my body well most of the season but with 3 games left I completely tore the UCL in my left elbow at practice :( Long story short, I waited it out to see if my elbow would miraculously heal itself though the chances of it reattaching were pretty minimal BUT ended up having surgery 4 weeks ago to fix the damage... Rehab is going great and I'm 2 weeks ahead of schedule in regards to recovery time. My goal is to get back to 100% in time for our spring games which begin sometime around March so I still have a ways to go. I'll hopefully be getting cleared to do conditioning (other than stationary biking) on thursday as well as non-contact soccer skills. It will be several weeks before I can play goalie but at least I get to work out with my team and not be away from the game all together this time.</div>
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*The bruising was pretty nasty but the doctor said they can tell if the patient kept it elevated by where the bruising was; bruising in the forearm means you let it hang and biceps and triceps means you kept it elevated. As you can see mine was definitely in the triceps so GO ME! And the next picture is what my daily rehab consists of. Step 1: I do homework while the trainer moves my arm. Step 2: I ice my elbow. Step 3: repeat A LOT! But it's working.</div>
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3) School is crazy but I actually enjoy the chaos this semester. I think the variety of course topics helps me stay engaged: Physiology, Statistics for Social Sciences, Spanish, and Intro to LGBTQ/NS studies...My main focus is Physiology as I need to do well in it to get into nursing school (which is a whole 'nother story that I'll save for another post). My Stats class is a self paced online class, Spanish is SUPER easy though I am expanding my vocabulary, and Intro to LGBTQ/NS (other than being a mouthful to say) is definitely interesting though I still don't know what category of sexuality/gender the "N" and "S" stand for.</div>
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4) I made my mom/ grandma's lasagna without any help and because it's a recipe<b>less</b> dish it may or may not turn out. It's one of those recipes that sounds something like this "a little of this, a lot of that, and some of these" and to be honest I may have mixed up the "a lot" and "a little" on a few things. Regardless, I'm cooking it and feeding it to people tomorrow however it turns out and hopefully it doesn't taste too bad.</div>
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5) I stayed in Wyoming over my short, but welcome, Thanksgiving break. My heart was definitely in North Carolina with my family but it was still nice to have a few days off here just to relax. I actually had thanksgiving dinner at the same family's house as last year so I guess it's becoming a tradition. I missed my mom's signature stuffing more than anything but the meal was great and so was the fellowship... The next day, a friend and I went up to the Snowy Mountain Lodge for a night to just relax and enjoy the outdoors AND I saw a moose on my morning photography hike.... The lodge is owned by The WEST Institute an outdoor seminary school based out of my church and it's amazing; both the lodge and The WEST Institute (look it up).</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know it's blurry but I was trying to get to a clearing<br />to see him so we were both moving.</td></tr>
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I think that about does it for now but I assure you there will be more posts to come including the ones about my baptism and major/future career. Thanks for checking in :)</div>
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Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-85662682363801778632012-08-24T11:11:00.002-07:002012-08-24T12:44:10.830-07:00Finding Him in ChaosIt's been a great summer filled with family, friends, healing, and of course soccer. Technically, I consider my summer over once preseason starts on August 1sty but even at August 24th I feel as though my summer is just now ending. After traveling off and on for most of June and early July, I was able to spend the rest of July doing anything I pleased. I went to Cheyenne Frontier Days with my cousins from Nebraska, I went to a rodeo with my dad, I successfully avoided weddings, I slept in and stayed up late, I cuddled with lots of kiddos and new babies and even caught up with a few friends. And though life's many changes got the better of me at times, I managed to keep my spirits high and rely on others and Christ to fill me back up when my emotional tank seemed to be running on fumes (which is something that has always been a struggle for me. I hate being dependent on others even if they don't mind at all). AND I GOT MY BOTTOM BRACES OFF (It's been a over 9 years and the tops are coming off next month)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYsmYtX_XuMR8eDsRGzS6KnVAiA-cqCcQdIWj3fcZDXfmxV5w4i4mWizN4jPbDlmkQu-tKymlfImDt3NeMCM6Fk5eoYF5R0j3mY53RwZWuQ_lr0-FydRsFaY9kLRC8pblnm-s0PXSVfOO/s1600/IMG_0093.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYsmYtX_XuMR8eDsRGzS6KnVAiA-cqCcQdIWj3fcZDXfmxV5w4i4mWizN4jPbDlmkQu-tKymlfImDt3NeMCM6Fk5eoYF5R0j3mY53RwZWuQ_lr0-FydRsFaY9kLRC8pblnm-s0PXSVfOO/s400/IMG_0093.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My friend's new baby :)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My cousins sporting all the Wyo gear I sent them</td></tr>
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With school starting up again and a full course load I'm beginning to feel some pressure to kick my butt in gear and start crossing off the things on my to-do list. I need to get some bills sorted out figure out what my work schedule will look like come school time, and I have a few other relatively important things to check off before school gets too crazy but God is providing me with peace and it's so evident that His plan AND timing is better than mine. So at this point going with the flow has become my modo and I'm enjoying almost every minute of it... except when it gets me in trouble.<br />
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So for those of you who remember the <a href="http://more-like-falling-in-love.blogspot.com/2011/04/parking-ticket.html">parking ticket I got a while back (my freshman year) </a> this may entertain you a bit. I'd like to say I haven't had any parking tickets since then but that most definitely is not the case. I've had several and let's just say I've paid my fair amount of fines to go with them. Yes, yes, yes you'd think I would learn but in all reality every one has been an honest mistake like<br />
- parking without a city permit on the streets near the classroom building<br />
*who knew all the cars on the street in Laramie either paid or are risking tickets? not me...<br />
- class going long by 30 minutes and my meter (which I over paid just to be safe) still ran out and managed to get ticketed in the 5 min walk to my car<br />
- parking under the football stadium (where there are no signs dictating parking laws) while I went into the training room for an ice bath.<br />
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I'm definitely missing a one or two but you get the point... I need to be more careful! But let me also say thank you to whoever it is who put money in my meter after it had run out during class once (I had forgotten to grab enough change and knew I'd be 15 minutes short but when I got back I still had and hour left :) ) Well the whole point of me telling you about parking tickets is because I got another one yesterday for 150.00 dollars! I think is the most expensive one I've ever had was the one my freshman year for 75.00 for parking in a fire lane (read the story it's a good one). Let me explain...<br />
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It was move-in day for anyone staying in the dorms and there were University of Wyoming officials at all entrances to the dorm and dining hall area (the dining hall is called Washakie). As a student-athlete, our preseason breakfast was at Washakie and as I drove into the dorm area I was greeted by an official who gave me 30 minute parking pass since everyone else was unloading their dorm room from cars. I asked if I could park anywhere and smiling at me the UW official said, "as long as there is an orange 30 min parking sign in front of it you can park there." He then pointed at the spot in front of Washakie's doors next to two metered parking spots and said I could park there if I wanted. I noticed it was handicap parking but since there was a temporary sign that said 30 min parking AND he showed me to that space I figured it was ok. I mean he wouldn't of told me to park there had he known I would be fined. I received the ticket at 7:17am and my parking pass that was displayed on my dash enabled me to park until 7:55 am. I understood that it was a handicap spot but because the UW official told me I could park there and the temporary signs were up, I assumed there would be no issues.<br />
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I'm appealing the ticket which I've only done one other time which was again for my ticket freshman year (which I was denied). Though I've heard that if you get denied the first time and then submit a written appeal you almost always get the ticket and fine voided :) Still not a fun process but I have hope...<br />
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ANYWAYS we have two games this weekend (today and Sunday) and are traveling to Utah to play Sunday. So I'll be out of town and my to-do list will get ignored for another few days but I'm okay with that I guess :) GO POKES!Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-18874371297485557602012-07-15T14:25:00.000-07:002012-07-15T14:35:33.920-07:00Back in Laradise<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF5GjYlqkt4xBPUr__92YSPIRV9iqqmkOELrQTS7jy2b7dfwgq0RW3GMJAqsj0V_OmpPJtsD8NSfaJzjVZ_FqIzaq06_tOXXVOkbv2U3NzSPpToUaLu8MNOzHK62MCxex_4nJO8_ut6anU/s1600/IMG_0028.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF5GjYlqkt4xBPUr__92YSPIRV9iqqmkOELrQTS7jy2b7dfwgq0RW3GMJAqsj0V_OmpPJtsD8NSfaJzjVZ_FqIzaq06_tOXXVOkbv2U3NzSPpToUaLu8MNOzHK62MCxex_4nJO8_ut6anU/s320/IMG_0028.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is how Koa travels (in the driver's lap)</td></tr>
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Wow it's been a few months. OOPS! I seem to go through phases on this blogging thing and apparently the last few months I was in the "out" phase. In my defense, I've been out of town/ out of state in Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, North Carolina, South Carolina and Colorado. And most of the trips I didn't bring a computer along (though with my new iPhone I was able to access the necessary stuff :)) Anyways, I'm back in Laramie, WY a.k.a. Laradise so hopefully this will be the first of many posts that aren't nearly so far apart. ( I realize most of these photos aren't great quality but at least I've been documenting my adventures)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5FTySmbpKzXfBUDs_olYjDCjTs90E7okrm3VT7ygF1gYP4uqmY1uVzG_2pIxxC_Zi3Yo29DQxQ8UL-KKW6DOGq4DtQcMMUNyvfktNNa4YgIAY3rd2-U26CX2qjvevT8KvXTaqmV88HO6d/s1600/IMG_0034.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5FTySmbpKzXfBUDs_olYjDCjTs90E7okrm3VT7ygF1gYP4uqmY1uVzG_2pIxxC_Zi3Yo29DQxQ8UL-KKW6DOGq4DtQcMMUNyvfktNNa4YgIAY3rd2-U26CX2qjvevT8KvXTaqmV88HO6d/s320/IMG_0034.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">and Lizzy in her happy place</td></tr>
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Here are some updates to start off with:<br />
1. I'm 100% cleared to play soccer (or do anything else) which means the doctors think my foot is completely healed. It still bothers me when I do certain things but hopefully 2.5 weeks is enough to work out the rest of the cobwebs and get back to soccer for good.<br />
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2. I've been pretty self conscious about my weight lately as I realized I didn't fit into some of my summer outfits from 2 years ago (I guess that makes since that I didn't fit but still...). My average weight has been somewhere between 155-160lbs and lately (after nearly 5 months with minimal to no work outs) I was pushing 170lb. I realize it's not a huge deal but every pound feels like 10 during preseason and that's the last thing I need when getting back from an injury... Thankfully I've been able to get back into running, biking, and eating right without too much effort and am back down to 162lbs. Let me be clear I'm not really trying to lose weight I just want to feel healthy again.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dinner of Champions</td></tr>
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3. Tomorrow is my last day as a teenager. It's kind of a crazy thought but a welcome one I guess. Bring on the twenties.<br />
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4. WE GOT FISH!!! We are now the proud owners of 2 fish (there were 3). We plan on getting more but for now we got ones that are supposed to be pretty hardy and friendly to hopefully . One of them is fascinated with this glass Fanta bottle that we have in there and escapes the currents of the filter by going inside it. We are so proud of our smart little guy.<br />
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5. I passed out at work and hit my cheekbone pretty hard. I got a little black eye and a nice scrape but nothing too serious. It was like 100 degrees in the building (well 90 degrees to be exact), it was 9:00pm and I hadn't eaten since lunch but I was just about to get off work. I was exhausted from a few days of travel and sadly 9:00pm is past my bedtime. I feel great now and other than a sore cheekbone felt fine immediately after too. I guess I should probably not put off eating and drinking at work especially when I practically work in a sauna during the summertime.<br />
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6. One of my friends had a little baby girl a few weeks ago and she is ADORABLE!!! The older siblings want to play with her so bad and can't wait for her to be old enough to play with them. Isn't she cute!<br />
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7. We got some family pictures taken and they turned out AMAZING. If you're in Nebraska or the neighboring states my dad's cousin did a phenomenal job! Here's her Facebook page and the link to her website is on there too. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kam-Kloth-Photography/178650195576674">Kam Kloth Photography</a><br />
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Well that seems to be it for now. Happy July and Happy Birthday to my dear friend Lauren!Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-58232545116015796542012-05-05T22:05:00.000-07:002012-05-05T22:05:32.524-07:00Life is Good (I think)So I'm several weeks into this whole foot being broken and screwed back together thing and I'm holding up better than I thought. I'm in my third cast and I'm approaching six weeks on crutches but hopefully I get put in walking boot (still with crutches for a bit) on Wednesday. It's not too painful unless I'm crutching around all day or never got the chance to put it up during the day and, even then, it just throbs. So hopefully I'm on the tail end of recovery and should be back to my active self relatively soon.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibzvZw_l8zchLMirLWk2PcJSCJvTrsXkad83ppUpEQQsl3pLLmANgYLZ5tNU4LFNRsvqX-GDK5Yb0Mv1E5Y4UDIdxkctMbz6anvI62v6XKBRgHYQMk8GhXs23mUYrlUDgwwnsPYE611vqp/s1600/04192012156.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibzvZw_l8zchLMirLWk2PcJSCJvTrsXkad83ppUpEQQsl3pLLmANgYLZ5tNU4LFNRsvqX-GDK5Yb0Mv1E5Y4UDIdxkctMbz6anvI62v6XKBRgHYQMk8GhXs23mUYrlUDgwwnsPYE611vqp/s320/04192012156.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kind of blurry but the only pic I got of the stitches</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hopefully third and last cast</td></tr>
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IT'S SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!! No more school for a while and I'm not even doing any summer classes this year. This semester was MUCH better than last semester though I'm .5 percent away from my desired grade in one class and I'm praying when I go in next week to review my test I'll find a way to get that half a point back. But other than that grade I'm relatively happy with my grades and am excited to have some time off though I do wish I could go for a bike ride or wander around and take pictures both of which seem a bit difficult on crutches.<br />
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I've only talked about this indirectly on here before but for some reason I'm feeling like I should be a bit more open which probably has something to do with not having anyone to tell but either way... I'm slightly nervous that some of the same struggles I had last summer are coming back. Let me explain a bit. I would wake up and feel purposeless and incomplete like I should be doing something in life that I hadn't been doing. I felt so bad that sometimes I wouldn't want to do anything but lay in bed. The feelings of hopelessness usually didn't fade away until the afternoon and then, just when I thought I was feeling normal again, they'd come back. It was a vicious cycle of restlessness, hopelessness, anxiety, some relief, and then back to the beginning. I would go days on just a few hours of sleep because I refused to wake up just to feel sad so my solution was just to not go to bed. Not the best idea with workouts, two classes, and what seemed like a never ending to-do list. I slipped further and further into a depression that seemed so dark that I may never escape it... But I did. I had a great support group and an amazing family that unknowingly kept me pushing forward even on the days that I had no desire to do anything.<br />
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Anyways, I'm slightly nervous that the vicious cycle is beginning again. I couldn't sleep at all last night and didn't end up falling asleep until 4:30am and when I woke up at 10:00am I felt so anxious I thought something was seriously wrong. My heart was beating so fast and I was cold but sweating. My roommate was packing up to head home for the summer so we just talked about random things for a while and I started to feel a bit better. This is how it started last year. And then today, had I not been hanging out with a friend, I probably would have just sat inside all day and watched a movie or something. Last year, at first, I just thought that it was my bodies way of telling me to take a break since I had been going non-stop since august with soccer and school but after a while I knew it was more than just catching up on sleep. SO I guess what I'm saying is that if you're the praying type I'd love your prayers for this summer and if your not send your good vibes :) I feel as though I need a constant reminder that I'm okay and trust God for that this summer.<br />
<br />Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-24339502179991744102012-04-16T11:42:00.000-07:002012-04-16T11:42:20.677-07:00I'll Stand (Even if it means using crutches)It's been over a month since my last post for several reasons but I'm not too upset about it and don't feel the need to list the excuses :) I've had a lot going on with the school year coming to an end and on top of preparing for final projects and exams, I've been on crutches for the last 2 weeks and have a good 10 weeks more of hobbling around.<br />
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Let me fill you in... Like I mentioned in a previous post I broke my foot early this spring season and after several failed attempts to heal it non-surgically, surgery ended up being the best option. I spent the last week or so in a cast before going into surgery Thursday morning. It all went well and I am now in a hideous old plaster splint thing with two screws holding my bones together. After 9 more weeks of casts and crutches the two screws should fix the foot problem for good. Needless to say everything takes longer on crutches and I've had to pray for extra patience as I learn to get around at a bit slower pace.<br />
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Frustration has been a big part of my life lately as having one leg completely out of commission doesn't exactly make life easier. I can't do the things I'm used to doing or even if I can the speed at which I do them is definitely slower. I have to sit and watch soccer practice, I couldn't participate in the athlete dodge-ball tournament that I won last year, (<a href="http://more-like-falling-in-love.blogspot.com/2011/04/follow-up-on-dodgeball-tournament.html">remember?</a>) and even something as simple as making a bowl of cereal takes 10 minutes and lots of creativity. It's exhausting, time consuming, painful, and FRUSTRATING. I know God is teaching me something through all this even if I don't know exactly what it is yet. As hard as it is to trust his plans and timing I know that both are perfect and I must submit to his will in ALL areas of my life.<br />
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I will make it through! and how fitting? the song that iTunes is playing as I write is The Stand by Kristian Stanfill<br />
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"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned<br />
In awe of the One who gave it all<br />
I'll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered<br />
All I am is yours."<br />
<br />
AMENCarmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-90539358395229316362012-03-12T12:57:00.000-07:002012-03-12T12:57:59.576-07:00Beginning of the Week ConfessionsSo I don't link up with the "midweek confessions" thing but if you've read my blog before, you'd know that I'm trying to be more open in my writing SO here's a few confessions :)<br />
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1. I broke my foot. I broke my left one in the fall and now I broke my right one. Not fun but hopefully I'll be back playing after spring break. Which means I could be training next week.<br />
<br />
2. I'm home for spring break and kicking it with my dogs and parents for a few days. It's nice being home, eating my mom's home cooked meals, and rough housing with the dogs. And I love getting to catch up with a few people that I've missed while I was away at school.<br />
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3. Coming home typically means running a lot of errands and this time is no different. Shopping (especially since my parents just got back from a trip in the Caribbean the day after I got home), orthodontist appointment, car maintenance, and picking up a charger at the Mac store (left mine in WY). I'm sure there will be more errands to run still but I don't mind it.<br />
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4. I cut my hand on a coconut trying to divide it into smaller pieces. Note to self if it has sharp edges don't grip it tightly.<br />
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5. I am now the proud owner of a 2009 Subaru Outback Impreza Sport. My parents bought it new the day before my sophomore year of high school and I drove it up to Wyoming this summer and it's been with me ever since. But my parents are putting the title in my name (after I pay up of course) this week and then it's all mine. Unfortunately the insurance bill is all mine now too :(<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc80XtL3lznJhkdwwlRnrVC4pj3d9P0Fvs0nc4O_S5aCmz7yQ-XUgtfqG26QeuX9ltgpE089u6fOGy6vaNGlbr-U6b_wtGvF3C3p4jDcFP7LwYBYqzsrglBu77nqe6wtodxd-Tf8KMDGed/s1600/3rd_Subaru_Impreza_Outback_Sport.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc80XtL3lznJhkdwwlRnrVC4pj3d9P0Fvs0nc4O_S5aCmz7yQ-XUgtfqG26QeuX9ltgpE089u6fOGy6vaNGlbr-U6b_wtGvF3C3p4jDcFP7LwYBYqzsrglBu77nqe6wtodxd-Tf8KMDGed/s400/3rd_Subaru_Impreza_Outback_Sport.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is my exact car... but it's not mine :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>6. My grades are still MUCH MUCH better than last semester with all A's and B's even in Medical Microbiology :) Can you guess which class I have a B in?<br />
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7. I hope I can get outside in Colorado Springs with my camera this break since the weather has been so nice.<br />
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Well that's about it for the week hope your pre-spring is going well.Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-66439960344514970902012-02-28T15:38:00.000-08:002012-02-28T15:38:22.546-08:00Winter Park: FebruaryJoining the Click it Up a Notch photography context for February. I'm not thinking I'll do too hot since I haven't gotten out much this month with a camera but I'm excited to see everyone else's pictures and it's only fair that I show them mine.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg14S23Ci7PSqzrre_BfEhKKWj89thdTm2tRrAXUpLU-1Uk5xG1oX-Uwn42qVtLZip-NiV6mSurKExmuxeEL5_f447FbYh5vCyhJkSqFLz2SXWOaKvMiJ5Aez7dAJmVyEv2u0DlhST-Z4cF/s1600/IMG_3234.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg14S23Ci7PSqzrre_BfEhKKWj89thdTm2tRrAXUpLU-1Uk5xG1oX-Uwn42qVtLZip-NiV6mSurKExmuxeEL5_f447FbYh5vCyhJkSqFLz2SXWOaKvMiJ5Aez7dAJmVyEv2u0DlhST-Z4cF/s640/IMG_3234.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br />
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<center><a href="http://www.clickitupanotch.com/" target="_self"><img alt="Click It Up A Notch" border="0" src="http://www.clickitupanotch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Button-Click-It-Up-A-Notch.png" /></a></center>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-2079995226129575042012-02-23T15:17:00.000-08:002012-02-23T15:17:30.082-08:00ConfessionsI thought I'd post something about all the random things I think about, do, and such. So however embarrasing or lame thes may be, here are some confessions.<br />
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1. I think that my life would be exponentially better if humans didn't have to eat, sleep, or use the restroom. (imagine how much more time you'd have)<br />
<br />
2. I LOVE living in Wyoming but I'm tired of putting on layer after layer before going outside and then having to take them off as soon as I enter a building... I vote we keep the buildings cold so that no undressing is ever required. OR temperature controlled clothing would be nice.<br />
<br />
3. Maybe I'm missing something but I was unaware of the fashion trend of wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter after a large snow storm. Oh but she did have snow boots on. Apparentally if you're feet are warm you won't go into hypothermia.<br />
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4. I have no idea how I've managed ot get and A and a B on my Medical Microbiology exams but I'm definitely not complaining.<br />
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5. I'm sitting next to a sign in a computer lab that reads, "PLEASE DO NOT open the windows.... The pigeons will get in. Thank You." While I was silently laughing about the likelyhood of someone wanting a window open this time of year, a pigeon landed on the window sill and made funny noises at me.<br />
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6. I just realized I am extremely full after eating two LARGE scoops of ice cream. Yes it's winter but my cravings know no seasons.<br />
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7. Speaking of cravings made me think of all the pregnant ladies I know. I hope they're all doing well and I can't wait to meet their precious little babies. AND despite previous statements saying I'd rather not have kids I think being pregnant would be quite an interesting experience<br />
<br />
8. Chloroform, a liquid we used in Medical Microbiology Lab (a.k.a. the date rape drug) eats through even the most chemical proof lab benches and skin isn't to found of it either (this was not proven on my skin thankfully).<br />
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9. I love reading my <i>Jesus Calling</i> devotionals every morning and feel so much more prepared to face the day after reading it... If you're looking for a quick and easy devotional that is still jam packed with God's Word it's perfect. I got it as a gift last year and finally started doing it regularly and love it.<br />
<br />
10. I REALLY REALLY REALLY dislike 4 hour long practices. I'm currently "studying" while waiting for one to start. UGH no fun. (I do like soccer but I only wish that my life wasn't always saturated with it)<br />
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11. My stomach is killing me and has been for a few days. I'm starting to get frustrated by always (a few hours every day) being in pain and not knowing the cause.<br />
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12. I was incredibly jealous of all the people with boyfriends on Valentines Day (for the first time ever). AND it was the first time ever I almost (my roommates would laugh at this) had a date.<br />
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and LAST BUT NOT LEAST<br />
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13. When will people just accept the fact that I'm weird? AND thanks to the people that already have and love me anyway.Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-75684195845122849482012-02-09T11:45:00.000-08:002012-02-09T11:45:12.145-08:00What a BLESSED DayMy day really started last night when I decided not to start a short paper and postpone doing it until today. Did I mention it was due today? I had plenty of excuses like I just got back from work, had already wrote a longer paper, and just wanted to go to bed (the list goes on and on). I made a plan to wake up early to start it and then finish it during my hour break before Medical Microbiology lab (sounds fun right?). After waking up nearly 30 minutes into my first class I had to make the decision to shoot the day or get it back on track. I ate a good breakfast, made it to my second class, went to my third class only to find out that my class was CANCELLED. Can you imagine the cheering that ensued? It was marvelous! The blessings in today were beginning to emerge!<br />
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This is the second time this class was cancelled this week (the professor is sick) and I, for once in my life, used my time wisely. I started and completed the paper, completed my lab pre-test online, and am now lounging on a couch inside the Agriculture building waiting for lab to start. Lab seems pretty simple today and I'm done with classes after this too! AMAZING right? Then all I have to do is get through soccer practice and I'm done for the week. I never have classes on Fridays and I must have forgotten that this morning when I was stressing about my non-existant friday classes.<br />
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It's amazing the simple ways God works things out and rewards our obedience to Him. And now I'll continue to listen to Christian music and enjoy this feeling of accomplishment and peace.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqXM7J2yj_Ufj2AbdgxxmUodSZstFh8yY_yexqXgL3eDQ0QLFz5HxfRr14XvXYQfap269I0lG6atf8C9j1Hje1QbTx-cIorEQJVUyTGctclCfQXghEXq5SpB10VgtGhHQhAor3FgOIfRc/s1600/IMG_3225.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqXM7J2yj_Ufj2AbdgxxmUodSZstFh8yY_yexqXgL3eDQ0QLFz5HxfRr14XvXYQfap269I0lG6atf8C9j1Hje1QbTx-cIorEQJVUyTGctclCfQXghEXq5SpB10VgtGhHQhAor3FgOIfRc/s640/IMG_3225.jpg" width="425" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"My chains are gone. I've been set free. My God my Savior has ransomed me."<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-14619427370834715652012-01-22T20:47:00.000-08:002012-01-22T20:48:44.598-08:00Food for ThoughtI'm not quite sure where my mind is these days. I feel like all I ever think about is soccer, school, work, and sleep (in that order). I have all these ideas about how this semester is going to be different and it DEFINITELY will be but I also see some of the old habits setting in so I've got be careful. Motivation is key and if it doesn't come naturally I'll have to force myself to put the effort in. I'm not going to let another semester go down the drain because I just "didn't feel like trying anymore." Well at least I don't have to pencil in social time since I live with talkative girls where entertaining conversations and fun are only second to eating at our house.<br />
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- side note: I can't imagine what my body would look like if I ate this much but didn't work out 20+ hours a week. It's kind of a scary thought -<br />
<br />
If someone were to ask me if I thought I was busy I don't know what I would say. I mean, I'm probably busier than most people my age but I definitely felt busier last year. Though I'm busy, I still feel in control of my time and on top of things but I feel it slipping though my schedule isn't really changing. We got a soccer coach after our <a href="http://more-like-falling-in-love.blogspot.com/2012/01/honest-thoughts.html">last coach moved to a different program</a> which may mean some minor changes in soccer but legally (per NCAA rules) we can't go up in hours for another few weeks. School is starting to pick up and become a bit more challenging but that's nothing new. So the only things left that could be the source of my stress and anxiety is work and lack of quality time with God.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB1LAjWry7fsiyI3d_LuNH1_6-nPGDp0rh3VFtS2zDv29qoThfFvIaJxEvXH1KRWh2-OmjBYSrjQsc27syWXx7PeoaUwIvPyTbBdGXHSSt5r7P2d12dsnfprYTC9C5fPEK5kEbdRSOcG7K/s1600/Final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="433" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB1LAjWry7fsiyI3d_LuNH1_6-nPGDp0rh3VFtS2zDv29qoThfFvIaJxEvXH1KRWh2-OmjBYSrjQsc27syWXx7PeoaUwIvPyTbBdGXHSSt5r7P2d12dsnfprYTC9C5fPEK5kEbdRSOcG7K/s640/Final.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because I dislike posts without picutres: Here's a photo I worked on for a friend's birthday. She plays college volleyball and her sister asked that I use a photo, her team colors, her name, and favorite verse (which is one of my favorites as well. I did my best and was pleased with the end result. Maybe I'll quit my day job and just take and edit pictures for a living :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I work anywhere from 16-20+ hours on the weekends and tough it's tiring it is also rewarding. But there are certain aspects of the job that drive me crazy like how:<br />
- the only time administration contacts me (or anyone else) is when they are begging us to work more hours. I don't mind filling in occasionally but coming in several hours early (4am) and leaving at 5:30pm is not what I had in mind for a part time job.<br />
- the nursing home is WAY understaffed. Not only is it a lot of work, it's not fair to the residents who are paying to have the best care possible and I feel bad that I can't give them the personal attention they deserve (and are paying for).<br />
-no matter how many hours you work you only get a 30 min break to eat. That's okay for people like me who typically work 8 hour shifts (though I usually eat more than once in 8 hours) but that's not okay for the 12 and 16 hour shifts that a lot of the nurses work. I don't know anyone that only eats once in 16 hours. Just saying :)<br />
-As much as I LOVE working with most of the residents there are a few that know how to push my buttons and it takes every ounce of my patience to keep my composure. But I have a feeling if we weren't so busy our "patience reserve" may be functioning on more than just fumes.<br />
-And lastly, my weekends are completely shot. There is little time to study and relax plus working Sundays keeps me from going to church which is something I desperately miss and need. I've considered requesting different hours but I'm doubtful that'd I'd get them.<br />
*Despite all my opinions about my place of work I still feel it's a great job and rewarding I just know it's causing me some stress<br />
<br />
Only time will tell where God wants me to be right now both physically and emotionally and I must trust that His plans are always greater than my own. It still seems that I'm where I'm meant to be and I must do my best to reflect His work in all areas of my life despite the difficulties.Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-53481288244836170122012-01-19T21:13:00.000-08:002012-01-22T20:55:27.561-08:00God Just Hears a MelodyI've been slightly more emotional lately and to those of you who don't know me, that means that I might actually share what's on my mind and even the emotions that go with the thoughts. My overemotional self comes off a bit differently everyday. Sometimes it means I cry and then feel fine and sometimes I'm just super aware of my emotions, it just depends :) . Today I was to the point of tears, not because I was stressed, but because my roommates were stressed and hurting. Let me explain.<br />
<br />
My roommates play volleyball here at UW and, like our soccer spring training (off season technically), there is a lot of lifting and conditioning. Thankfully NCAA has a lot of rules on how many hours teams can meet to train with and without a coach in the off season but there are ways to get around. Coaches do things like forcing the players to set up their own training and making them "optional" (but they're definitely not). Then to get around the rules that make it illegal for the coaches to be with the team for more than so many hours a week the coaches just "stop by" for a few minutes during the afore mentioned optional trainings. DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY, RULES ARE NOT ALWAYS MEANT TO BE BROKEN! So on top of the weights and conditioning that every team does these "optional" trainings end up making for more hours of training in the off season than in actual season. It's ILLEGAL, exhausting, and like my roommates, I'm tired of it.<br />
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Everyday my rommies come home they're stressed and nearly crying because they're expected to train more and more but since its labeled "optional" the coaches won't get in trouble with NCAA. The rules are meant to protect the players are getting bent and broken and no one but the players seem to care. I know where they're coming from because our coaches do the same thing and so does every other program but it doesn't make it any less exhausting physically or mentally. I'm tired of coming home after a long day only to hear my rommies expressing how broken their bodies and minds are but it's unavoidable. I know it's healthy to vent and BELIEVE ME I love being there for them but I wish there was a way for us to confront the problem either by bringing it up to the coaches or the athletic administration because we know the problems won't solve themselves. Our sports are becoming miserable not just challenging AND I just want to see them happy while enjoying college and volleyball and I want to be doing the same.<br />
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But we'll keep smiling and continue to use comic relief to keep us from breaking down :) We know it will get easier but for now we'll just keep pushing.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYIt3YFNjJQJkqjqDMxIXJpy7ttCSnuyAtKpdeNnNOBneZH8hdAacNh7GRfuQQ6JFf80X39DmVqWq0SCn_vUSFlBnT1mbLr1yk6dyeQT9d2zIXm3gU7JPnMEj8cEUnKcWqFOBQmuD0LoTJ/s1600/us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYIt3YFNjJQJkqjqDMxIXJpy7ttCSnuyAtKpdeNnNOBneZH8hdAacNh7GRfuQQ6JFf80X39DmVqWq0SCn_vUSFlBnT1mbLr1yk6dyeQT9d2zIXm3gU7JPnMEj8cEUnKcWqFOBQmuD0LoTJ/s400/us.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's sad that I don't actually have a real picture of all my roommates or even just two of us just being normal<br />
(this is karaoke night w/ some friends). The kneeling gangster is one of my roommates and I'm superman w/ an afro :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I put in my headphones and found this song in one of my playlists and I realized that there is really only one thing I can do with ALL of this. Share it with God. He wants to hear my struggles. He wants to hold my heart as it breaks for my roommates. He wants to wipe their tears as they fall from my eyes. He wants to be my mind and body when mine are too sore to keep going. In fact, He's asking us to surrender these things to Him.<br />
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He says that we're BEAUTIFUL the mess we are and he hears our miseries as melodies because He loves that we're trusting Him with our brokeness. He is ENOUGH!<br />
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<br />
Better Than an Hallelujah ~Amy Grant (with emphasis added by me)<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">God loves a lullaby</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">In a mother's tears in the dead of night</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Better than a Hallelujah sometimes</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">God loves the drunkard's cry</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The soldier's plea not to let him die</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Better than a Hallelujah sometimes</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">We pour out our miseries</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">God just hears a melody</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Beautiful, the mess we are</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The honest cries of breaking hearts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Are better than a Hallelujah</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The woman holding on for life</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The dying man giving up the fight</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The tears of shame for what's been done</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The silence when the words won't come</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">We pour out our miseries</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">God just hears a melody</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Beautiful, the mess we are</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The honest cries of breaking hearts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Are better than a Hallelujah</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Better than a church bell ringing</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Better than a choir singing out, singing out</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">We pour out our miseries</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">God just hears a melody</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Beautiful, the mess we are</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The honest cries of breaking hearts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Are better than a Hallelujah</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">We pour out our miseries</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">God just hears a melody</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Beautiful, the mess we are</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">The honest cries of breaking hearts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">Are better than a Hallelujah</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: sienna; font-family: verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span></span>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-59118541383637544232012-01-12T19:37:00.000-08:002012-01-13T06:40:49.647-08:00Honest ThoughtsPeople who know me, know that I'm talkative and enjoy deep conversations but usually find out pretty quickly outgoing and talkative doesn't mean that I'm open. Honesty is something I've been working on for the past few years and am learning what it means to be honest with myself and others through open communication. I used to find some kind of pleasure in secrecy, half truths, and ultimately lies as they kept people from knowing what I was really thinking. Genius right?... No. Definitely not! I was unhappy, full of guilt and I nearly ruined every good relationship I ever had (though I still feel that way sometimes) So here's to being honest and confessing the sins as well as victories in my life (and any other random things that are on my mind)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipdW_uWhYZxJS1PuyOZjc5VkoukVjLrmKphShKdi7G2IZIvYTLUWAVnMYAgEo01RUrEGwv0X38gpNFI4SCuM_Lm3wxrDwm-oqrQcUudXXO1jxJcZ2oExQZ6kkIA5XB1LzKlGNNgnyHLG0P/s1600/IMG_3132.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipdW_uWhYZxJS1PuyOZjc5VkoukVjLrmKphShKdi7G2IZIvYTLUWAVnMYAgEo01RUrEGwv0X38gpNFI4SCuM_Lm3wxrDwm-oqrQcUudXXO1jxJcZ2oExQZ6kkIA5XB1LzKlGNNgnyHLG0P/s320/IMG_3132.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I got myself a tripod and hands free shutter button</td></tr>
</tbody></table>1. School began this week and I'm so happy that I've already started off much better than I did last semester. Minus one class (Medical Microbiology) that is four days of lecture and two labs a week my schedule is pretty mellow AND with one class on Monday and none on Friday I pretty much have a four day weekend every week (though two days will be spent working)<br />
<br />
2. Soccer has also started back up, if you can even call it that. It's that time of year again where 6am trainings consists of only weight lifting and conditioning with some occasional "I didn't sign up for this kind of torture." But we break up into three different teams each week and the conditioning is an ongoing competition between the teams (relay races, one on one battles, and team building events). I must say it's 100 times better mentally than the conditioning last year though it's much more physical and challenging.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqFd3P8_O0cTDG1eox6mKqLc3HWnxZY1gr0981QQT-s_Dncj9vZ_IZuzuSgdflFOUhheqOblHj9mld4QndP-p-uQTEMCHdCxxay5uLzUMYa8Z9l66Ob9siLQdEij30YLmudrq8PdHqzez9/s1600/IMG_3148.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqFd3P8_O0cTDG1eox6mKqLc3HWnxZY1gr0981QQT-s_Dncj9vZ_IZuzuSgdflFOUhheqOblHj9mld4QndP-p-uQTEMCHdCxxay5uLzUMYa8Z9l66Ob9siLQdEij30YLmudrq8PdHqzez9/s320/IMG_3148.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">and these are some of the pictures that came of it (click on them)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>3. Speaking of soccer we no longer have a coach. After a VERY successful season, Division I programs from all over were recruiting him to come coach and flip their program around like he did ours. So, needless to say, he left (and took both assistants with him) to a school in the Pac 12 and despite how hard it is that he left us, I know it was the best move for his family. Our strength and conditioning coach is taking over our team temporarily as the Athletic Directors are interviewing new coaches. They've narrowed it down to 20 coaches who've previously coached at DI schools out of 120 applicants (and that's the just for head coach). The way coaching works is the head coach gets hired an then he decides who his assistants will be. AND there's a chance that we might get a SHE not a he which would definitely be interesting.<br />
<br />
*getting a little more personal*<br />
4. My anxiety was RIDICULOUS over break. I didn't have much going on except work but sitting at home and just relaxing never quite felt like it should. My heart would race when I'd think about anything related to school or hanging out with people and I couldn't get it to stop unless I found an adequate distraction such as art, work, or sleeping :) With a regular schedule and my life getting back to normal it's definitely getting better and it's lovely.<br />
<br />
5. I'M SORE!!!!! and if there's one thing that can put a kink in my day it's being sore. It means I worked hard and pushed myself but it also means that I dread any kind of movement. AND I have workouts tomorrow morning at 6am and let's just say that if anything requires movement of my legs I might break down and cry.<br />
<br />
6. I'm really excited about a fresh start with school and soccer so much so that I almost can't wait to go to class and soccer (the "almost" is because of soccer). My goal is to get a 4.0 this semester. It's possible. It will be hard. I'm going to struggle at times. But I'm fully capable if I step it up. I need to start living and working for God again and not for men as Colossians 3:23 says because exhaustion only sets in when your rewards are eternal. I would really appreciate any prayers regarding motivation, strength, and trusting God (or anything else you might want to pray for).<br />
<br />
7. To be honest I had a horrible last semester but I have hope that this one will be MUCH better. So far so good.Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-90589071524718722162012-01-03T20:16:00.000-08:002012-01-03T20:16:36.013-08:00Let the Sun Set on 2011I'm not huge fan of new years resolutions but I typically think of a few goals to get me excited about the new year. <a href="http://more-like-falling-in-love.blogspot.com/2011/01/resolutions.html">I had three goals last year</a>: get into the Word, try hard at one thing every day, and cause less drama. I COMPLETELY forgot about my second goal, was off and on with the first, and I'm definitely causing less drama (but I still have a ways to go). So what I've decided to do this year is continue with these three goals but add one more. I my previous three goals encompass all areas of my life but the list was missing something important.<br />
<br />
My one new goal for 2012 is to simply be me. I know it's cliche, but I'm tired of being someone I'm not and I finally care enough about myself to do myself this simple favor.<br />
<br />
Today you are you.<br />
That is truer than true.<br />
There is no one alive<br />
that is youer than YOU.<br />
~Dr. Suess<br />
<br />
So let the sun set on 2011 and bring on 2012!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dYqEo9SQvoY/TwPSQoxrvEI/AAAAAAAAAcA/MhzR3X_YW7Y/s1600/IMG_1778.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dYqEo9SQvoY/TwPSQoxrvEI/AAAAAAAAAcA/MhzR3X_YW7Y/s640/IMG_1778.jpg" width="425" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunset over at the railroad tracks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-5391513882715034782012-01-01T11:19:00.000-08:002012-01-01T11:21:44.047-08:00Let's See What Happens<i>I plan on posting more posts like this in the coming year. Posts where I begin with no particular idea in mind and digressing from the non-existant first idea is where the beauty is found. I imagine that my posts could end up being poetic and artistic or they could simply be my brain's way of processing my life. I realize this could mean being vulnerable or risk people judging how abstract my thoughts can be but I think I'm ready to do just that. And to get the full effect you should read it really fast... just kidding!</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Being limited to what we can write, draw, say, and ultimately express, keeps us from connecting with one another. Time and time again I'm told that feelings shouldn't be given much power. They'll destroy any sense of security. They'll confuse even the most confident thinker. They'll make fluid talkers trip and stumble over every word while they give energy to the timid mind with a small voice. Feelings can enhance the relationship with God and destroy it all nearly in the same moment (Ask me. It's possible). They encourage desires to grab hold of every part of you and tear you in every which direction and yet the same feelings give you clarity and tell you to put your feet back on the ground. I've never heard of something so contradictory that it worked and, to some, even makes sense.<br />
<br />
I can feel my heart beat faster in my chest but am I extremely happy or scared to death? I can see tears fall from your eyes and somehow I know whether they are tears of joy or sorrow. I think I know how some autistic people view the average population... in awe. Literal meanings are oxymorons and it's not fair to be the one that doesn't understand how to break them apart. Something as simple as a facial expression (which, I guess, is arguably complex) can turn a playground game of wiffle ball into The World Series or a neighborhood brawl.<br />
<br />
The condition of being bipolar means, in short, a person who continues to experience extreme ups and downs. But I experience ups, downs, and outs but there's not a condition for that. I'm not bipolar but I do think comparing myself to a "normal" person makes me something other than that which they are. Which makes me think that "normal" is the most ambiguous and ultimately worst word in the dictionary because it evokes feelings that intensify insecurities without resolving any conflicts. FEELINGS. It's one word that can mean you "fit in" or "stand out" depending on the context and it's one word I hate. But I still want to be normal or at least <b>feel</b> normal.<br />
<br />
Yet Christian books tell us to ignore feelings and dive into them at the same time -- I imagine a diver on the edge of the platform with one coach yelling, "dive in" and the other yelling, "go home" and we all know what most of us do. We dive into the pool just so that we can climb out and go home.— We dive into our feelings because some expert told us the only way to "fix" how you feel is to "explore" how we feel BUT the whole purpose of fixing our feelings is so that we only feel the good ones and learn to ignore the rest... I think I get it now. We should explore our feelings so that we learn which we allow to affect us more?<br />
<br />
(Okay, last rant) In my opinion, and I'm no expert, we should simply let go of our feelings. Experience them in ALL their fullness, however good or bad they may be, and then let them go. But let's not let them go as if we never experienced them, but let them go as if you loved them or hated them respectively. That way, when they come again it's almost like you can experience them in more fullness than before and suck more life out of that one situation. BECAUSE if I've learned anything in the last few years it would be this: Being "real" (a.k.a. genuine, honest, human...) is hard unless you allow all your experiences to translate into real emotions and feel them as if you were watching some one else be ravished by the same demon or uplifted by the same guiding hand of God.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0yfocm2aIWg/TwCxsC05hKI/AAAAAAAAAb0/UpIXNCHP4MQ/s1600/122647.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0yfocm2aIWg/TwCxsC05hKI/AAAAAAAAAb0/UpIXNCHP4MQ/s320/122647.jpg" width="250" /></a></div><br />
<i>Hopefully I throughly confused all of you :) But I realized that this is how I think. I jump from topic to topic with the relation between them only visible to me. My "lightbulb" moments are usually small and insignificant until I feel that I've come full circle (even though no one else may feel that I have)... I believe we all think like this. We don't know how we came to understand something or learned to feel a certain way, we just do and that's the beauty in our differences. </i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>And believe it or not I actually feel as though this post makes sense and helped me come to some conclusions about what role feelings should have on my life :)</i>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-79577050591316926112011-12-17T18:36:00.000-08:002011-12-17T18:36:40.387-08:00Colorful Surprises Out the blue a friend of a friend asked me to watch his puppy for the weekend and being the puppy lover I happily agreed. I'd never met the dog nor did I know what to expect but I was pleasantly surprised by an adorable puppy and a little kitten AND they were well behaved. I only had to take go over to his house and let the dog out of the kennel twice a day for two days to feed it and let it go to the bathroom but I thought that many hours in a kennel was pretty cruel. So I brought the puppy over to my house as I had just planned on hanging out all day and he seemed to enjoy it even though he napped most of the time (it's gotta beat a 2X3X2 kennel). Well I got a few pictures of the little guy and thought I'd share but his fascination with the flash meant I could only get close ups.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq88T66GCJE2jq56Khkd7NWKqath2cdLItU3qMwY7HW2Qz-AtM41PViciHJarT4tbrf3D8UZPZdJOL53UZ8_4ITH4hBR_22wEUWuUix8bUv_Ty5uP7-OIhjQ1E5ftWM8P82WkwnWZrOVny/s1600/IMG_2975.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq88T66GCJE2jq56Khkd7NWKqath2cdLItU3qMwY7HW2Qz-AtM41PViciHJarT4tbrf3D8UZPZdJOL53UZ8_4ITH4hBR_22wEUWuUix8bUv_Ty5uP7-OIhjQ1E5ftWM8P82WkwnWZrOVny/s320/IMG_2975.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXDOxpW7rEcHhedR-mpmEYgySxDsfonUlfm-QIB88sDl7yyYHUzA4ia7WGWL7wyozuX73CfjCJglIxhRgZpoj6XEkyHr_-Tr2GmDC9HWQEzluFK47ClF2iBFUUXPKmxmc6tFLlEhU4DAPg/s1600/IMG_2983.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXDOxpW7rEcHhedR-mpmEYgySxDsfonUlfm-QIB88sDl7yyYHUzA4ia7WGWL7wyozuX73CfjCJglIxhRgZpoj6XEkyHr_-Tr2GmDC9HWQEzluFK47ClF2iBFUUXPKmxmc6tFLlEhU4DAPg/s320/IMG_2983.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXDOxpW7rEcHhedR-mpmEYgySxDsfonUlfm-QIB88sDl7yyYHUzA4ia7WGWL7wyozuX73CfjCJglIxhRgZpoj6XEkyHr_-Tr2GmDC9HWQEzluFK47ClF2iBFUUXPKmxmc6tFLlEhU4DAPg/s1600/IMG_2983.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I was in an artsy kind of mood this afternoon but didn't have the motivation to do anything that took a lot of clean up (like painting) and didn't want to face the weather for photography either. I remembered this art project I saw someone on another blog and thought I'd give it a shot. I bought some canvas, a hot glue gun, and lots of crayons (144 to be exact) at Walmart and got to work. Surprisingly it took forever to organize the crayons so that they transitioned from color to color smoothly but after that it was super easy and fast. I glued them to the canvas, propped it up at a slight angle and then aimed the my hair dryer at the middle of the crayons and within 30 seconds they were melting (I had read online that it could take 10-20 min and wasn't sure I'd have the patience). And after only 3 minutes or so, I had a wonderful collage of dripping colors. If you're looking for a quick and easy project it takes less than 30 min all together and there isn't any clean up (unless you melt them too much and the drips run off the canvas... I put some newspaper down just in case).</div><br />
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</div></div>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-22464515242142709432011-12-09T16:07:00.000-08:002011-12-09T16:08:43.573-08:00What an End to a SemesterThough I wish I could say I finished this semester strong, I can at least say I finished it (which was definitely questionable for a while). I wrote my last paper on Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and though it was not as enjoyable as watching the movie, I still found some joy in writing it.<br />
<br />
It reminded of the times my dad would take my brother and I to work with him and set us up in the HUGE conference room. We would pick a movie and then he'd press a bunch of meaningless buttons and it would magically project on the wall. Often times we were treated with free candy from the concessions room and cuddle time with dad if he finished work early... I miss a lot of things about home when I'm away at college but I miss my dad more than anything else. I can't wait until I can see him even if it's only for a few days.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The original movie is a million times better than the new one. (and the book is great too)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><u> </u><br />
*the next paragraph may gross some people out... proceed with caution*<br />
<u> </u><br />
So everyone's heard of the 24 hour flu (or some other kind of sickness) right? Well I got to experience all 24 hours of it on the day my last final was due UGH! Around 9:00pm my stomach started to feel odd but I chalked it up to the finals week diet that mostly included junk food and soda (two things that I try to avoid and usually do). But around 11:00pm I knew something other than cheetohs, pizza, and soda were upsetting my stomach. From 11:00pm until noon the following day I had to drag myself to the bathroom every 30min to throw up. The vomiting finally ended around 12:30pm but then came the "everything hurts, I don't have enough energy to open my eyes, nothing sounds good, and I just want my daddy" feeling. My roommates brought me saltine crackers and ginger ale before heading home for the holidays (I'm staying in Wyoming for most of my break). I didn't leave my room, eat (except 5 saltine crackers), or do anything that required movement (even sleeping hurt at times) all day. Then, EXACTLY 24 hours later at 9:00pm, I felt 90% better (clear headed but a bit weak and tired). I felt even better this morning and was able to write two papers to finish off my semester. I slept for nearly 19 hours of the last 24 but I definitely don't feel like I did considering I'm still tired. Unfortunately I have to work tomorrow so hopefully I'm all better by then and can love on some old people in a way that shows them God's beautiful love.Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-8414967697485137502011-12-05T12:16:00.000-08:002011-12-05T12:16:06.476-08:00Almost DoneFinals week has officially begun and mother nature decided to kick it off with some extreme weather. It went from being in mid 40s F yesterday to −30 F today. Can you say COLD! Well I haven't actually been outside yet but I'm not looking forward to it. But I'm just going to be thankful that my house has heat, I have warm clothes for when I do have to face the weather, and I have hot chocolate when I need it.<br />
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I worked most of the weekend and I think my feet are getting used to being on tile for 8+ hours at a time too. I felt like when I wasn't working I was sleeping or eating which (in all seriousness) makes me feel FAT. I'm not fat and I've never really struggled with my weight but occasionally I have weeks where I'm more self conscious about it than others and this is definitely one of those weeks. Oh well, I will do my best to rest in truth and not get too wrapped up in self image.<br />
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As I mentioned before it's finals week and I have mixed feelings about how this semester went. I definitely did poorly in one class (as in I'll probably have to retake it if I want to get into nursing school) and didn't do great in the others but I have this odd peace about my grades. Someone jokingly told me "Grades don't determine salvation... and don't forget that Jesus still loves you even if you fail." I guess God works in mysterious ways because just hearing that made me feel a million times better. I don't really get to go home much this Christmas but now that I only have one test and one paper left, it seems like next week is going to be here sooner than I know it (even if I'll only be home a few days).<br />
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I have a bunch of errands to run when I get home and one of which is getting glasses :( I'm not thrilled about it but I'm kind of excited that reading and looking at my computer will no longer lead to headaches.<br />
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Hope everyone is getting excited about the holiday season and (if you're not in Wyoming) is enjoying the weather :)Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-91476839472167948472011-11-30T14:33:00.000-08:002011-11-30T19:30:11.161-08:0030 Thankful Days: Wow I've Missed a TonSo for the last time I'm linking up with Dawn over at theGoodlife for 30 Thankful Days and I must say I'm sad it's over but I might do thankful posts occasionally anyway because praises aren't praises unless you share them :) AND even though I missed the last week or so of posts I was thankful for a lot this past week.<br />
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1) My roommates! They've been gone a lot recently for volleyball and Thanksgiving break and now they're back. I no longer live in this huge place by myself AND since we're all studying for finals (or trying to at least) we have lot's of study sessions together. I enjoy the company and entertainment especially when writing final papers and laughter never fails to make the time go by a whole lot faster.<br />
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2) Cinnamon rolls! Today one of my roommates and I made lunch (which was delicious by the way) and then I made cinnamon rolls YUM! I believe cinnamon rolls and ice cream are God's personal gifts to me.<br />
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3) Walmart! When there aren't many stores in the town you live in the one that has the most variety is like a mall. It's close to my house (well what isn't in this town?) and I go there often. When I lived in the dorms my friends and I would go to Walmart and only bring in a dollar or two and then just walk around. The longest we spent was almost two hours and we walked out with a bag of skittles, post it notes, and a cheap movie.<br />
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4)Music! I think being thankful for music is an understatement. It can make the worst days a million times better and good days fantastic. It can calm me when I'm anxious, pump me up when I need some extra energy, speak God's truth into my life, or just provide some background noise to any activity. I LOVE music and few things can touch my heart like beautiful lyrics and a great rhythm.<br />
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5) Random factual knowledge. I notorious amongst my team and roommates for knowing the most ridiculous facts about completely random things. I don't have a subject of interest or a reason to know them I just like to learn new things. I've occasionally been known to search random facts on the internet during homework breaks (where most people go to Facebook or eat lol). There have been a few times where I've been able to use the knowledge but mostly it just for entertainment. Here are some favorites:<br />
<br />
-Jellyfish evaporate in the sun because they're 98% water<br />
-When a person is tickled is actually a form of panic because the brain associates the sensation with creepy crawlies on your skin. Laughing can also be a response to panic.<br />
-It cost 7 million dollars to build the titanic and 200 million to make a movie about it<br />
-You actually can't see the Great Wall of China from outer space but you can see the Pyramids of Giza and a few other man made buildings.<br />
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6)Sock! I shouldn't have to say too much more but I will. I'm one of those crazy person's that has to have socks on to sleep at night (I'll wake up if one falls off). It's cold in Wyoming and my feet are not a fan of the chilly temperatures<br />
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I have more but I've got to get back to studying! :(Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280564753198825097.post-31288819883549037412011-11-28T19:18:00.000-08:002011-11-28T19:18:51.360-08:00Don't QuitI've missed a lot of Thankful Days but that doesn't mean I wasn't thankful. I have so much to be thankful for but I've definitely had a long break (if you could even call it a break). I had a day off of school and then worked 40 hours in 4 days but I DID get to have a Thanksgiving dinner thanks to some church friends (since I couldn't go home to Colorado Springs). AND I got my schedule for December and I work 16 hours every weekend plus 48 hours from December 22-27. I love my job but I don't love my feet hurting from being on them for so long and I don't love having to wake up a 4:30am. I also need study time since my grades could definitely use some improvement and work isn't helping that. So my goal for the next two weeks of school is to not give up and just keep pushing through even if it doesn't always seem worth it.<br />
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This is called the Don't Quit Poem by an unknown author and it's been a HUGE encouragement to me this week.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Droid Sans', arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"></span><br />
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,<br />
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,<br />
When the funds are low but the debts are high,<br />
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,<br />
When care is pressing you down a bit…<br />
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit!</div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Life is queer with its twists and turns,<br />
As every one of us sometimes learns,<br />
And many failures turn about<br />
When we might have won had we stuck it out.<br />
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow…<br />
You may succeed with another blow.</div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Often the struggler has given up<br />
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;<br />
And he learned too late when the night came down,<br />
How close he was to the golden crown.</div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Success is failure turned inside out…<br />
And you can never tell how close you are<br />
It may be near when it seems so far.<br />
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit<br />
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.</div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />
</div><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">P.S. If you're the praying type I could really use some extra strength and motivation this week.</div>Carmenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09715446478880612997noreply@blogger.com1