Camera Love

After a few LONG days of working a soccer camp (where I played more than coached) it was nice to be able to relax and finally start messing with my new camera! These are the unedited photos that came of it...
  

Don't be Anxious in ANYTHING

Knowing I wouldn't get to see any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins my mom and I made a last minute trip to  Nebraska. We had an uneventful ride out there and made it there in time for dinner, which was the plan. We stayed with one of my uncle's and his family and with seven kids their house was quite chaotic all the time (but it was definitely welcomed). We went to the children's museum and I'll admit that I might have enjoyed some of the activities more than the kids. On Wednesday we walked to a local park and the older kids drove RC cars around (quite dangerously might I add) while the younger kids and my mom played some intense games of four square. But besides those two things we just stayed at their house and enjoyed each other's company.

I wish adults enjoyed themselves as much as kids do

The last night we were there we went to a AAA baseball game and on the way home we got a nail in our tire and though we didn't know it at the time that was the beginning of a long day of complications. Since the tire wasn't flat we waited until morning to get it fixed, so on our way back home we stopped and found out that it was unrepairable. They had to replace all four tires because you can't just replace one or two on an all wheel drive car. After waiting there for a while and receiving nearly 800 dollars worth of rubber, we finally got back on the road. Barely out of Lincoln my mom decided that a rash she'd had for the entire trip to NE was unbearable and needed immediate attention. So we stopped at an urgent care clinic and in an hour or so we're out of there with prescriptions and a mom who's a tad bit less itchy (I was relieved that she was not contagious... So instead of getting out of Lincoln around 8:30am we are barely leaving Lincoln at 12:30.

But EVERYTHING worked out and all is good! We received almost complete reimbursement for the tires and so far it looks like my mom's rash is clearing up and OH YEAH my brother is ok. Let me fill you in on that one...

Me getting some little kid time in with 4 of the 7 kids

On thursday (after the nail decided to puncture our tire) we found out that my brother was hit by a fork lift while working. He works at a moving company and I guess he was getting out of a truck and was pinned to the truck when the fork lift hit him. His co workers wanted to take him to the ER but he said that he was ok even though his leg was pretty gnarly. He ended up just having a REALLY bruised leg and some road rash type stuff but he's totally fine.

All I can say is God is good and though we face hard times He will always provide for us and get us through.

Lovely Hike

This morning I went on a lovely hike with a friend where after a while we went to separate spots to rest and have some quiet time. As we walked we talked though being honest and open with people doesn't come naturally for me but I've been working really hard to overcome my tendencies to hold back. As we hiked together I felt a connection with nature, with God, and with my friend that I've never really felt before. I felt REAL! As if I finally connected with a world that I've always felt distant from. I was completely involved in our conversation and at the same time was enthralled by the beauty of nature.

We came across a small creek and decided that it would be a good place to split up and find a spot to do our own thing. After sitting down on a sun soaked log near the running water, I pulled out a book that a friend had loaned me. The book, titled TrueFaced: trust God and others with who you really are (how fitting, right?), examines the cruel cycle of sin and it's effect on us.

Sin ----->----->----->   Involuntary Response ----->----->----->   Inevitable Effect
-our own                    - guilt                         /                            -shame, blame, fear,
-against us                 - hurt                         /                               denial, anger
                                                                  /
                                                               <
OR we can not let the inevitable effect take place and instead let God heal us where we don't have the capacity to heal ourselves, releasing us from whatever hurt or guilt we may be experiencing.

Anyways, I began to consider which effects I've let take hold of my life and was surprised to find that each one has taken hold of different aspects of my life. I found myself in a very deep place of thought and for the first time I wasn't afraid to be there. I allowed myself to feel every emotion as it came and went. YES it went! They didn't stay forever and once I had experienced what it felt like to be ashamed, sorry, fearful, and angry I no longer felt burdened by these emotions and instead felt free in them. I've realized that by distancing myself from people I've only kept myself from healing and have allowed guilt to cripple me.

Learning to be real with myself and others will take time but I've never made so much progress in one day!

AND I EVEN HAD MY CAMERA!!!!!

Value

It's been a while since I've posted and there's no good reason for it but hopefully I'll get back on top of things.

This is a completely unrelated picture other than the
fact that I did go on a hike Friday morning 

The past few days have been filled with new experiences and God made himself known in every one. I completed my clinicals to become a CNA (certified nursing assistant) and I'm definitely going to miss working at the nursing home and taking care of all the residents there. In the small amount of time I worked there I felt God laying one thing in particular on my heart. This world is not our home! The money we have earned, the things we have bought nor the accomplishments we've worked for will matter when we reach the end of our life here on this earth. In the nursing home we have a man who has his doctorate and used to be the lead veterinary researcher at UW, we have a man who served in WWII and has more honor medals than any soldier I've ever met, we have a women who paints landscapes full of color and life, but we also have a women who was an alcoholic for so long that she now has alcoholic dementia, we have a man who has been homeless for years and returns cans to get enough money to eat at the nursing home. All of these peoples' lives before the nursing home were much different some were educated and living the high life, some were free spirited movement leaders, and others never escaped the poor life they were born into but now they all live in one place, cared for in the same way and fed the same food regardless of their income or quality of life before. I imagine this is what heaven will be like (but hopefully with better food). It will be a place where people lose all sense of materialism while they share the exact same abundant life.

On a completely different note, I spent nearly my entire day with the Schultz family and I loved every minute of it from planting tomato plants outside to reading books to a their little girl snuggling in my arms. My intentions were not to stay over for very long but there's something about their family that made me want to continue to stay.

I'm reading this book called Captivating that details the wonders of a women's heart and it asks a question that I couldn't answer until yesterday "what is your irreplaceable roll?" and I realized that being irreplaceable doesn't mean no one else can ever fill that roll it just mean that in that moment I was the only one who could. I felt irreplaceable all day even thought I wasn't doing anything profound and was more of an "extra" to the scene but when I was reading with their little girl it gave her mom a chance to get some things done and I was able to grab ingredients or entertain the kids while the parents were occupied in the kitchen making our dinner. Though if I hadn't been there they would have found ways to get everything done while keeping the kids and dog entertained and out of trouble, I still felt irreplaceable because I had made their life just a little bit easier. God showed me that who I am and what I do does have value and is important.