God Answers in BIG Ways

Like I said in my previous post it's hard to see God's plan for the "bad" situations we find ourselves in but it's truly amazing to look back and see how He had a plan for it all along. I had been praying for quite some time for God to put something in my life that forced me to rely on other people so that I may learn that independent doesn't always mean strong. I am one of those people that never asks for help even when I'm in desperate need of it but if I ever want to experience God's healing I have to let His people help me. My heart was growing harder every day I refused to accept love from others and I knew that no matter how hard it would be I needed to change. This was my prayer one night after I a long day of trying to be strong...

"I've hit emotional rock bottoms where I needed to rely on the strength and faith of other's to pull me through but Father I chose not to because I thought being strong meant doing it alone. I don't know if I'll ever choose to get help when I'm emotionally broken so I ask that You put something physical in my life and make it obvious to me that I can't overcome it alone. I just pray that somehow I learn to open myself up to the love You have to offer me..."

I didn't realize until I looked in my journal after getting out of the hospital that God answered my prayer in a HUGE way. What I had in mind when I prayed was that something like a fender bender would leave me without a car and I'd have to rely on others to get around or I'd lose my phone and have to use other people's phones if I needed to get ahold of someone. I never imagined I would find myself needing help to get out of bed and walk the few feet to the bathroom or having to press the call button to have the nurse get my phone when I dropped it on the floor. I had been in pain for a few days before I passed out but I refused to tell people or recognize it as a big deal becuse I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems. Though my mind refused to let others help me when the pain was unbearable, my body knew it couldn't keep up the fight and I passed out. God knew I wouldn't stop resisting until I physically couldn't do it anymore and He made it obvious that I had hit that physical rock bottom I had prayed for.

*On the days I forget how AMAZING God is all I have to do is look at the beauty of His creation. The vast and colorful skies remind me of how great His love is for me!*

I was forced to rely on others for nearly everything and though I hated asking people to do me favors it it  did get easier. I struggled with guilt after the hospital stay because I felt that I was the reason these people were missing out on bigger and more important things. I apologized to a few people for making them take time away from their lives to help me and all of them simply said something along the lines of, "You are worth every minute I spent helping you and I would do it all over again just to see that you're okay." This is what it took for me to realized that my friends, coaches, and mentors weren't staying at my bedside out of some obligation but they were doing it out of love for me and wanted to help me in whatever way they could. Now I just pray that I never forget the lessons God has taught me through this tough time and to always remember that I'm blessed to have so many people willing to drop everything and be there for me when I needed them the most.

LESSONS LEARNED: 

1. Being independent doesn't mean I'm strong

2. Being strong doesn't mean I never need help 

3. Asking for help doesn't mean I'm weak.

4. I have LOTS of people who love and care about me

5. God answers prayers in BIG ways

5. and be careful what you pray for...

JUST KIDDING