Monday, February 28, 2011

Snap Shots

Here are some pictures from a walk my roommate and I took this weekend! We had fun running and sliding on ice, observing stairs instead of running them, and just chatting about life! LOVE LOVE LOVE life!

Some selective coloring

The stadium stairs that we DIDN'T have to run

Ice that was perfectly slippery!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Plugged In

Plugged in
Ask any teenager and they’ll tell you what a bore this world is
the vibrant colors of fall might as well be black and white like
newspapers read only for the comics as the world bleeds red ink on the second page like
red roses in a perfect bouquet but their not for you so why do you smile when he walks your way?

Plugged in
Smoking buds purchased with wasted passion of bright minds now go in ears and
Jersey Shore has nothing to do with beaches but everyone listens and
getting to know each other on a deeper level means watching 3D movies with
his tongue so far down your throat he can taste your regret.

Times have changed
Change became dollars and pennies for change are tails up on your ass and it’s your fault.
If you’d pay attention to something other than the beats your beats are dropping
your joints might be sore instead of lit
but the world’s beauty is skin deep and hearts leak blood but it's just black and white ink

Plugged in
Only one ear is chord less as you pretend to be concerned with problems, condoms, 
and then a baby blossoms watered by beer and raspberry vodka
spiked with fear, it’s not clear but blind, this time
a sparkling diamond tented red by the blood of enslaved African children and
you bought it, so own it because maybe your own blood is on it

Plugged in
Undivided attention just means it’s carved up between my mouth and your tears like
A steal blade through tense air if only you had cared enough to unplug your damn ears
You can’t keep plugging your ears and tears trying to stop fear so
here’s advice though you won’t hear my mouth say but I'll stumble over the emotion and pain
just to tell you that

Plugging in doesn’t solve anything

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Ef Sea Eh?

Time just seems to be flying by as it is almost March, spring season starts next sunday, and I only have two more months of school. Like I mentioned in a previous post, practices are starting earlier and though I'm an early person I find it difficult to do anything after 8:30pm (stupid biological clock). So as much as I struggle to funtion I determined that a few things need to take priority over sleep on occasion and this week God and fellowship ranked above sleep.

I was back home in Colorado Springs most of the day monday and I missed both Bible studies that I normally attend. When tuesday came around I was exhuasted from the long day of drivinmg and would have been happy to sleep in, skip class, and eat whatever and whenever I pleased. Instead of taking a mental health day I managed to fit a much needed nap into my schedule so that I could go to FCA. I love everything about FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) except for the fact that it starts at 9:00pm to accomodate all the athletes who practice later. Bythe grace of God, I wasn't too tired when 9:00pm rolled around so I trudged through the snow with my bible, some computer paper to draw/ take notes on, and a pen (usually it's a pencil but I couldn't find one in time).

Their was an incredible message about God's UNCONDITIONAL love for me and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I realized that the bible studies on monday usually get my mind in the right place for the entire week and without them I felt a bit lost and alone. Though I was tired and had to doodle to stay focued on the message, God called me to be at FCA that night because He knew that I needed to spiritually filled up by his love more than anything else!

So here's the doodle that came of my tiredness.

P.S. "Ef Sea Eh?" is what's on the FCA shirts this year and since I didn't get a shirt I thought I'd share my love for it's creativity here.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Slow Motion

A friend and I are going through a Beth Moore Bible study called "Living Free" and it's INCREDIBLE! I would recommend it to anyone! There is something in it for everyone whether you're a new Christian or have been living in His grace and mercy for years.

Anyways, one of the lessons ends with this challenge:

"Would you end your day's assignment with a field trip?...Go for a walk with God. Just ask Him to fill you with a soul full of Jesus."

So that's exactly what I did! I put on my hoodie, coat, and boots and headed out. I brought my camera to snap a few pics of my stroll with God and happened to catch a few great shots!

I came to realize in those 45 minutes that I NEED more time to clear my head than I've been giving myself. I felt as though God replayed my busy life through my mind in slow motion so that I could get a grip on everything that I felt was getting out of hand. For the first time in a while, I was able to make sense of things that I struggle to wrap my mind around everyday. 

I really need to do this more often!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Who Would Have Thought

The chances of me writing about this topic again in the near future aren't good but I am doing my best to enjoy writing/ thinking about it now (or at least find humor in it). Considering the title of my blog is "More Like Falling in Love" you'd think that I'd know the feeling of falling in love with someone other than Christ but I haven't and never thought I would... until recently. 

My thoughts on "the whole love thing", dating, and marriage have always been complicated, to say the least. I've always told people I NEVER wanted to marry because I'm scared to let someone get to know me and care about me on a deeper level. Besides, I came to believe that I'd never find a guy who was capable of loving me like that anyway. I'm also terrified that with marriage comes kids (usually) and I don't know if I could ever handle the responsibility of growing children into caring and honest people of God. I love playing with kids, laughing with them, and teaching them but I don't want to be the person to blame if I mess up and they "turn out bad." I know everyone worries about these things but I've done more than worry about for the last few years and I finally gave up and just said no. I decided I'd never pursue any relationships and ultimately never get married because it was just easier to say no to all of it then wrestle with fears about some of it... But of course, I wouldn't be writing this if God didn't have different plans for my life and though I am uncomfortable and scared out of my mind I've decided to take a chance and let myself...
well uh... 
I can't believe I'm saying this... 

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Dilemma

"I've never been arrested, high, ticketed, or drunk..."

This a line from one of my poems and though it wasn't what I wanted people to focus on, it always ended up being the focus of the conversation after sharing. Honestly, I wish more college students could say this about their lives too. The pressures to drink and make other poor decisions proves too much for a lot of people. Thankfully I'm not usually tempted by the parties and all the people going out on the weekends but I do wonder what my limit is. Not the limit on how much I can drink but my limit on how much temptation I can face before I give in. I'm scared that it's a lot lower than I think it is. Which brings me to "The Dilemma."

The soccer team puts on a Valentine's Day party every year and it's notorious for being a CRAZY one. It's a formal party so EVERYONE must bring a date and wear dresses (which definitely isn't my thing)! The underclassman bring food and the upperclassman bring booze. I'd much rather sit around and have intelligent conversations with friends than be in a big group of drunk people listening to LOUD music and acting stupid. BUT I'd be the only person on the team not going and that doesn't look very good.

I don't want to go because I don't like "that" kind of stuff but I'm also concerned that I will be pressured into something I don't want to do. Like I said before I don't know how much temptation I can endure before I give in and the Valentine's Day party might be too much. It's hard for me to see that drinking won't help me fit in and it definitely won't earn the respect that I've been looking for, but my teammates make it seem like it will change things. I would just stop by, show my face, and then leave but that would mean that I have to dress up (which, did I mention, I really don't like). I guess I have to decide whether the risk of slipping up outweighs what other's will think of me if I don't go. Such a difficult decision and I'm probably just making a big deal about something that I shouldn't even worry about. What a dilemma!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wings Night!

Some friends and I went to Applebees for 39 cent wings! 15 savory, honey bbq, morsels of deliciousness dipped in ranch YUM! I don't have much more to say about it other than "boy talk" is much better when we're chowing down like football players! Can't wait for next week!

Up Beat Update

It's been a while since I've posted and I don't have much of a reason for it. I haven't been in the mood to write lately but I wish I would have because some incredible things have happened this past month. Not that my mood has changed (well it has, but I'll save that for another post) but I am extremely excited to finally write about what's been on my mind lately (good and bad).

1. I've had some incredible conversations with friends that have definitely got me thinking about my future and my relationships. I've always told friends that I never want to be married or have kids but lately I've experienced a change of heart. Long story short, I have come to realize I am worthy of the kind of a love a husband and kids would give me, though I am a long way from being ready for it.

2. For the past few weeks my weight/ figure has been on my mind a lot more than it should be. I'm not overweight, I get plenty of exercise and quite honestly there isn't much room to lose. I try to counter the lies i tell my self with truth from the Bible and positive feedback from others but I still find myself obsessing more and more about an issue that doesn't actually exist.

3. My appetite is back (which may have something to do with the insecurities mentioned in #2)! But overall it is definitely a good thing. For years I ate food when I woke up, when I realized it was past noon, and when my mom made dinner but once in college I realized I never actually felt hungry or ever wanted to eat. I would go most of the day without eating because I simply forgot. When I would eat it would be because someone wanted company to lunch/ dinner or I noticed it was "time" to eat. But some things have changed and last week for the first time in a while I felt HUNGRY. As an athlete food is necessary and now that eating isn't a chore I actually remember to do it which is obviously much healthier!

4. I'm house shopping!!!! I'll be moving out of the dorms at the end of this semester and I'll be living with three wonderful volleyball girls... the only problem is we don't know where yet! There are plenty of places to look at so I'm not too worried about actually finding a place. I can't wait to have a kitchen and bathroom of my own (even though that means more cleaning) and a washer and dryer will be nice too! I can't wait for all the fun times to come!
Some soccer friends preparing to break glow sticks!
5. This is the last week where workouts consist solely of weights and conditioning. Next week we will start practicing again and our lifting will be less intense as well (meaning less squats :]) I've come to like running and lifting in the morning so surprisingly I will miss it a little even though I'd much rather play soccer! Unfortunately, practice and lifting takes more time than conditioning and lifting so training starts at 7:00am not 8:00am and I could really use that extra hour of sleep! Oh well.

6. So as most of the U.S. knows last few weeks have been cold! I think -30 F something was our low for the month. YUCK! My roommate and I threw water out the window and it froze before it hit the ground! But the heaters broke in the dorms and having the window open for a few minutes didn't help. (we didn't know the heater was broke yet). Our room was around 40 F for two nights so my roommate and I had to bundle up before bed. With long underwear, hand warmers, hats, hoodies, fuzzy socks, and most importantly a hair dryer (convenient personal heater) we had one interesting night. thankfully the heater started working again once the temp warmed up outside!

7. And last but not least, I received an AMAZING care package from my youth group back in CO! It had homemade cookies, ramen, glow sticks, goldfish (the snack that smiles back not the pet), and cute jokes and notes that made me miss my youth group more than ever! And thanks to them I have some new art covering my cork board!